


What Was and Never Will Be

by Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)



Category: Dark City (1998)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9519044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko
Summary: "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was seeing her," John said later, when they were alone, and Daniel didn't miss the way he couldn't quite seem to look at him. "I wasn't sure, you know. If I'd feel anything for her. If she'd even want to stick around, knowing the truth."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Carmilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmilla/gifts).



It would have been irresponsible to not keep a close eye on John Murdoch. So much power in one man. Daniel told himself that was his only motivation, responsibility. After all, it had been his choice to set the wheels in motion to lead the city to this place. To replace their inhuman overlords with a single man whose unruly mop of dark hair grew even curlier in the moisture from the new-made sea.

It was his responsibility, except somehow John hadn't gotten the memo. He'd welcomed Daniel into his home on Daniel's first day in Shell Beach with so many things that for years Daniel had only encountered in the watching of others. Smiles. Warmth. Acceptance. _Friendship_.

He'd never expected that.

He'd never expected John would immediately and consistently welcome his presence, in part because, while Daniel had done his best to create himself as a fixture in the false past of John Murdoch, it had been with a specific tone of subservience. That was a necessity, a responsibility, to ensure checks and balances of some sort. He'd never expected John would want a partner, and how could he deny him?

And their little world turned, and each night ended in another glorious sunrise, and as the days and weeks passed Daniel gradually began to feel... normal.

Then one morning he arrived at the house in Shell Beach too early, found Emma - Anna now - on the porch swing with John and a cup of coffee.

Her smile was bright and real as she offered her hand, with none of the confused emptiness of her former self. Of course she'd had weeks to settle into her new identity, to develop her ego and build a true sense of self. "So this is your Genius Friend Daniel I've heard so much about. It's good to finally meet you."

And as Daniel took her offered hand, the sudden tightness in his chest reminded him too much of the Strangers, but was entirely different at the same time, and the last thing he wanted to feel.

\-----

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was seeing her," John said later, when they were alone, and Daniel didn't miss the way he couldn't quite seem to look at him. "I wasn't sure, you know. If I'd feel anything for her. If she'd even want to stick around, knowing the truth."

The unwelcome, clenching feeling came back. "You told her?" 

John shrugged, and his smile didn't meet his eyes. "She started remembering things. Them. I didn't know what else to do." His gaze flicked to Daniel, worried.

He needed reassurance, validation. The realization made Daniel feel rather less out of place, allowed him to push aside his own sharp-edged insecurity for the comforting science of skill. "Encountering Them often has that effect on people. I'm sure you made the right choice, John. In any case, I am relieved you were able to find each other again after all. She should be part of our discussions about the city. If you would like that, of course."

John's relief was palatable, something Daniel tried to take comfort in. "Thank you. I'd really like that."

\-----

Anna still kept her job at the theater, despite it being clearly unnecessary. She liked it, she told him as they all shared a bottle of wine one evening. Liked meeting so many people, liked seeing the films. She liked that the hours allowed her to spend sunlit mornings in Shell Beach with John, to come home and meet them in the evenings, spend a few hours before Daniel returned to the city.

John had a guest room, constantly offered. But it would have been obvious even to an untrained eye that the two of them had become intimate. With the traces of Anna which were slowly accumulating throughout the house, Daniel was certain it would not be long until she lived there. It would be impolite to intrude, he told himself, politeness a shield against the thoroughly unwelcome feelings he had in the matter.

After all, he had set this in motion, as much as he had chosen to give John control of the city. He ought to feel proud his efforts had come to fruition. Pleased, that even as John and Anna grew into their identities, even as their lives entwined more deeply, they still allowed him a place.

He needed to be grateful for that.

\-----

"John will be home in a few hours," she said, when he arrived one morning to find her in the house alone.

"Ah - I will come back, then."

"Of course not. Stay, keep me company. I have the day off and a fresh pot of coffee. I insist. John will be disappointed if you don't."

Part of him wanted to say it wouldn't be appropriate for him to stay, alone with another man's... whatever they were at the moment. But the last thing he wanted was to further exclude himself when he was just lucky to have a place in their lives at all. Anna was under no obligation to extend friendship to him because John had, but still she treated him with kindness and a genuine affection that was as surprising to him as John's had been.

She was beautiful, he found himself thinking as they spoke, sitting on the porch side by side in the early morning sunshine. The sum of Anna's memories was a foundation of strength, independence and optimism, her remembered hardships conquered. He'd wanted that for John, an Emma with none of Emma's and fears or insecurities or guilt.

A beautiful foundation for her shining personality to bloom.

"You should really just stay over tonight," she said, leaning against him. Touch had never been something she'd been shy about, but the inappropriateness of their situation made him tense, mentally warring with pulling away.

"I do appreciate the offer. But I am a creature of habit, I'm afraid."

"It could be a new habit. Like coming here." Her lips quirked into a teasing smile.

Daniel chuckled, teasing to cover his discomfort. "Your memories have made you far too smart for your own good."

"Perhaps." Anna turned into him more, taking his hand from his knee and twining their fingers together. "You should probably know John and I are not exclusive, Daniel," she said, as simply as if she were discussing the weather, and disarming him completely. Then she leaned close, claiming his lips in a kiss that left no question of her intentions.

He quickly realized there was nothing in his ruined memories that spoke of experience with women. Or men, though he'd always felt more comfortable around John, assumed his repressed jealousy over their intimacy stemmed from a buried longing for the beautiful man. He wasn't prepared for the sudden revelation of Anna's desire, or how the thought of being _wanted_ would awaken his own.

But realizing his own desire brought its own flood of memories: creating Emma, building a mind which would accept her memories of infidelity without question. A mind that remembered seeking out another man to validate her insecurities. Everything he'd tried so hard to erase when he'd reimprinted that troubled woman. He felt a rush of guilt and pulled back from her lips. "I'm sorry, I - "

"Daniel." She smiled again, squeezing his hand. "Come inside with me. Let me show you the guest room. Perhaps you'll like it enough to stay?"

"I - I think that would be a very bad idea."

"Why?" Anna seemed genuinely puzzled. "Didn't you intend for me to be attracted to you?"

He realized what she meant, and his stomach churned with nausea. He stood, pulling his hands from her grasp. "No. No, I could never, I - I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. I must go."

"Daniel, I didn't mean - "

"Please tell John I'm sorry," he called behind him, and fled.

\-----

John had only been into the city a handful of times since the days began, and all for business, slipping into the secret network of tunnels and structures under the city with Daniel to ensure everything was still ship shape. Unexpectedly finding him on the other side of Daniel's apartment door completely disarmed him after the events of the morning.

His friend gave a soft, easy smile. "Sorry to stop by without calling. May I come in?"

Daniel forced himself to push away the sudden rush of heart-pounding panic, forced himself to regard and evaluate the man. John certainly didn't appear to be angry. If anything, he seemed.... concerned?

Daniel managed to nod, shuffling back to let him in the door. "John, I - this morning, you should know - Anna and I - "

"I know. It's alright."

"You...." John's lack of anger left Daniel flailing, unsure of how to react.

John's smile grew more gentle. He stepped closer, reaching out to rest a hand on his arm. "Of course. She did tell you we're not exclusive, didn't she?"

"I - " Daniel's thoughts spun. Had he backed into the wall, or had John urged him there?

"I'm sorry I misjudged," John continued, still speaking softly, friendly and warm. "I'd thought it would be easiest if she approached you first on her own. She was the one who made me realize, after all. I should have just talked to you about it."

"About your wife wanting me?" The words escaped in a rush, half horrified, half incredulous, and John gave a smile that was somehow sad.

"About us both wanting you," he replied softly, bringing his free hand up to brush the back of his fingers along Daniel's jaw. "May I kiss you?"

There was such earnest, hopeful desire in his expression, but for a moment Daniel couldn't process any of it - John being there, speaking such words. _Wanting him._

Then the soft hope was replaced by a flicker of disappointment, John glancing away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - "

"Please." The word was past Daniel's lips before he could fully think it through, but it didn't matter. John's disappointment was too much to bear, especially when he wanted it, too. "John, _please_."

The flash of joy on John's face was blinding in its sweetness. Then gentle hands cupped Daniel's face, and he brought their lips together with a soft, yearning sigh. It was even more of an aphrodisiac than Anna's kiss had been, and this time Daniel welcomed his desire wholeheartedly. He reached up to tangle his fingers in John's hair and drag him closer, kissing him until John had him pinned back against the wall, until he was half-hard and breathless.

"You don't have to come home with me," John murmured as Daniel caught his breath. "We can stay here, if you want. You can have me, or Anna, or both of us, or both of us together. Anything you want. But I'd really like it if you came back. We'd both really like it. Home doesn't feel right without you."

Logic forced Daniel to take a moment to think, to truly consider the consequences of agreeing. It was easy to remember who they had been, a story written for them to act out where infidelity would lead to terrible violence and tragedy. But that wasn't who they were now. The simple measure of Anna not only coming to John with her desires but actively encouraging his own was enough to prove that this wouldn't be the tragedy of Mr. and Mrs. Murdoch, redux.

Truly, his dear, treasured friends had never truly been those people. And they never would be.

It wouldn't be easy. A relationship with just one person was already difficult enough. So many feelings to navigate, so many things to take into account. It wouldn't be easy, figuring out how they would all fit together.

But it would be worth it.

The ache in his heart was no longer a fearful, jealous twisting. Now it was bright with hope. With love. Daniel smiled, arching up to press a slow, warm kiss to John's mouth. "Take me home, John."

\--- End ---


End file.
